is it necessary for students to go to college

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This is an essay that needs revision. The following is my second draft. I need to revise the second draft as my final draft. My score of body paragraphs in rubric is 85/100 pts.

Criterion Long Description For Body Paragraphs

1. The topic sentence is the first sentence in the paragraph and it establishes a clear, specific main point or claim. The main point is original and has been established by the writer, not by the authors/speakers. 2. The paragraph Includes background information or an explanation of the topic sentence. It includes enough evidence that is new, substantial, relevant, and logical, not obvious. 3. The paragraph includes evidence that is either personal, factual or both and includes ENOUGH and the RIGHT KIND of evidence to back up the topic sentence. In other words, the writer has provided proof to demonstrate that the topic sentence (idea or claim stated) is reasonable. 4. The paragraph includes quotes when necessary. Quotes that are effective and that serve as evidence for the main point; Quotes that are properly introduced, inserted and explained. 5. The paragraph Includes enough critical thinking, analysis and explanation about the evidence. The evidence is thoroughly explained; the evidence does not stand alone leaving the reader to figure it out on his or her own. 6. The paragraph includes a logical order that allows the reader to easily follow the points of the paragraph. The sentences that are built upon each other and transitions are used to tie the ideas together and create unity. 7. The paragraph includes a concluding final sentence that sums up the main point of the paragraph.

My score of Presentation MLA is 16/20 pts.

Criterion Long Description For Presentation MLA

The essay includes an effective and original title. The overall structure, format, and presentation represents MLA. The punctuation, grammar and style of the essay are academic and effective.

The rest are full marks. So I just need to revise my body paragraphs and my MLA format. I hope you can HIGHLIGHT all revisions on my draft. Thanks a lot. 😇

P.S. ：There is no need to change the quotation of the full text, including the quotation of the body paragraphs. Because English is my second language, if I have any grammatical problems and sentence is not fluent, feel free to modify it. 😀