On two different paragraph with 150-200 words each give your personal opinion to Chris Moran and  Margaret Frye 

 

Chris Moran

Hello Professor and Classmates,

Topic 1

Paragraph 1

My first job was in the summer of 2005 at an apartment management company. I performed various task for the complex including cleaning the pools, filing applications, cleaning the grounds and picking up leaves. I was trained by one of the maintenance workers on the correct amount of chemicals to add to the pools and various locations that required more attention for grounds-keeping. By the end of my first summer there I made a lot of friends and decided to return the next year full time.

Paragraph 2

I began my first job when I was 16, I assisted at an apartment complex with reviewing and filing legal documents, maintaining the public spaces including two large swimming pools, and landscaping the grounds. I learned how to safety handle and disperse chemicals to maintain regulations for public pools. I also learned excellent customer service skills while maintaining the company’s expectations for late payments, and unresolved disputes with tenants. After my first week on the job I was able to demonstrate my willingness to learn and time management skills to my supervisor which led to me returning for a full time position the next year.

Both paragraphs contained the same information however in the second paragraph I emphasized some of the skills I learned as part of my time in this position. Generally, when speaking we tell more about our experience rather than specific lessons we learn.

Topic 2

Dear John,

Thank you for writing such an informative autobiography, I learned a lot about your prior work and life experiences. After reviewing your autobiography there are a few corrections I believe you could make to improve the quality of the paper. There are a few grammatical errors throughout the document, so I would recommend you review it for punctuation and grammar. I would also recommend you elaborate on your work experiences to explain some of the skills you obtained in your positions and how the relate to college level learning. Overall, I think you have a great start, but the final product could be polished a bit, as an additional resource you can submit your paper to the writing center for review which will help you further develop your portfolio.

-Chris Moran

Margaret Frye

TOPIC 1 

Paragraph 1

When I first started my job in the prosecutors office I remember feeling like a fish out of water. I had to rely on the other advocates in the unit to guide me in what I was supposed to be doing. That was difficult since there wasn’t any formalized training process. The senior most advocate spent most of the day talking about her stomach parasites and allergies so I was lost and began to wing it mostly. It was a rough beginning and I quickly realized not a lot of people in the court system respected our role. I regularly questioned if I had made the right decision taking this job.

Paragraph 2

When I began my position as advocate in the Prosecutors Office I was excited at the opportunity to begin working with victims of crime. I began to research the laws and criteria regarding civil protection orders and criminal court procedures and processes. Once I grasped this, I immersed myself in training’s and classes to help me better understand the clients I would be working with. Within two years I was promoted to supervisor and began my work in re-organizing the department to have clear training standards, updated policies and procedures and attainable goals for future projects as this was a critical element to our department gaining credibility within the criminal justice system. 

TOPIC 2 

Dear John,

Thank you for the effort you put into your autobiography, I am impressed by all of your experiences. While reading through the autobiography I did not a lot of grammar errors, run on sentences and jumping around on topics. To make this easier to read and follow I would suggest starting with an outline of the elements you want to include and then really hone in on the experience you had and what you learned. I would leave all the peripheral information out so it is easier to read and follow. When it gets to be too long, you tend to lose your reader and I would hate to see that happen because you have a wealth of experience and knowledge behind you. Also, as a final note, I would recommend you utilize spellcheck and then read it out loud to someone. Sometimes reading aloud helps to find those hidden errors we all make when writing. Great start! 

Regards, 

Peggy